Part of being in youth ministry is connecting with youth. Those of us who are getting on in years (i’m a whopping 31 now… ancient in the eyes of most students) have to spend a little extra effort in connecting. But some try a little too hard. Conventional wisdom might say that if you want to connect with a student, you ought to dress like them, talk like them, like like them, etc. Here’s the problem with that… you’re not fooling anyone… least of all teenagers. You’re just an old guy in dumb clothes. A wolf in sheep’s clothing.
There are two extremes. On the one side, you make no effort to look, sound or smell like you live in the current century. On the other hand, dressing like a 14 year old, using constant IM slang in your speech (omg lol), and trying to act like you like One Tree Hill will drive a wedge too. So what to do? How do we connect without being THAT GUY.
Honesty
The first thing to consider is that you’re honest. Don’t pretend about ANYTHING. Students may not agree with you, but they’ll appreciate your honesty. Really, no matter what you do, students aren’t going to think you’re cool. Stop trying. Be honest. Honesty and transparency are HUGELY important to students. A good friend of mine used to say, “Invite them into your world.” Rather than trying so hard to be like them, invite them to do something you like. Be it working on your car, doing some gardening, or photography… they will appreciate your honesty and they’ll appreciate your time. And who knows, maybe they’ll find something new they like.
Effort
Make a little effort. Just because you’re being honest doesn’t mean you have to live in a hole. Make an effort to understand the trending fashions, music, hobbies, etc. of the day and keep an open mind. Be open to liking some of them or at least trying them. With an open mind, you never know what might happen. Plus, if you put a little effort into dressing smartly (not like student, but at least somewhat fashionable for your own age) you’ll help keep some of the immediate walls from being built. Keep an open mind and put in a little effort.
The Main Thing
I’ve also heard it said about a million times, “keep the main thing the main thing.” That’s great advice right here. The main thing in youth ministry is that you are modeling for a student your relationship and growth in Jesus Christ and that you are helping him/her catch that and implement it in their own life. If you keep your quiet time, your prayer life, and your spiritual growth as central, the other things don’t matter nearly as much.
Conclusion: It’s great to try and understand students and it’s great to try and connect with them on their level. Just don’t try too hard. Stay honest, give it a little effort and keep the main thing the main thing. If you do that, you’ll find it much easier to connect with students.
